In my email this morning was the first challenge from Hallie Lord’s 40 Days to Fearlessness. We’re supposed to be picking a wee little fear to work on over the course of Lent. Baby steps to living fearlessly. Sounds like a good plan for a worrywart like me. And maybe everyone. I can’t really be the only sufferer of an overactive imagination or the only one prone to borrowing trouble, can I? Obviously I’m not or bloggers wouldn’t be writing challenges to combat it! (Remind me sometime to tell you about spontaneous laundry combustion…)
Anyway, of course I can’t follow the rules. No baby step fears here. No, it’s a big nasty, super ugly, actually-have-lived-it-and-20%-chance-of-living-it-again kind of fear. Ok, that’s a slight exaggeration but there are no statistics for the worst case scenario (which is the big fear here) just for the spectrum of doom (which is pretty wide, basically from annoyance to horrific.) And I happen to have experienced the ultimate worst case scenario which is a truly frightening prospect. And which is not to say the rest of the spectrum a walk in the park, just varying degrees of worry.
Today’s challenge was to imagine your fear becoming real. But then to invite God into it, imagine what graces He might give you to endure it or what blessings could come on the other side. Finally to turn your imagination to the light and watch your fear dissipate.
So I pondered this challenge and how in the name of all that is good could there be some silver lining of blessing in this (remember, I’ve lived this worst possible outcome so I really know this fear far too well. And while there have most certainly been blessings in abundance a silver lining is really not what it’s gonna be.) While thinking and nearly praying on this I was vaguely aware that my short people were all at the back window. The temperature must be up a little because there were quite a few birds at the feeder. But what really caught my attention was the Biggest Boy’s excitement over “a cardinal mom! There’s a cardinal at the bird feeder!”
And there was. A beautiful pair of cardinals. They lingered there in the backyard for a while as I watched and marveled at their timing. And maybe my fear did let up, just a little.